hmmmm it would seem that i can only blog when regularity enters my realm again...
i have been completely out of sorts with the world, with grades, with work with life...
friends have consumed my time, and sadly b/c i feel guilty if i dont hang out with them, and then i have all this stuff to do...and then i get overwhelmed...
you see, im the type of person who, when life gets rough or hard, i rather retreat/forget about it rather than deal with it. God has been trying to tell me to go to Him first, and I was doing really well until i came back from spring break and i got distracted by my distractions. (who would have thought?) i need to be distracted by God!
work was getting chaotic and there was so much pressure on me it felt....greg was not there and so therefore there was more slack than people thought there would be that needed to be picked up =P
well needless to say....by the time greg did get back, i was burnt out on work, i was excited to see him...then he left early >_<....then i was sick...>_< and then i needed off b/c of....beauty delimas (thank God meagan wanted to wrk for me) and then i wrked with him wed. and even though it was a crazy horrible and "stressful" night....it was back in the norm.
i couldn't get use to wrk not being normal to me. i did not even know that i needed such a sense of being grounded...and now that things are settling back...may frustration and anger have gone waaaay down...and i have been reminding myself to go to God all of the time. But tonight...tonight was a bump in the road so to speak...
i got so frustrated, aww heck let's say it, i was downright mad. and im not myself when i get angery, i have not been. i haven't been going to God with my anger, having Him take it away...
i swore, i yelled, i nearly cried. i hated myself after work ended. and i still feel like a horrible person. God forgives for those who truly repent, but im still not forgiving myself. i hate representing God in such a way when people know i am christian!!!
but back to how weird it is that something as small as greg being gone and school starting off again throws off my whole schedule, and view on different things as well....like i hated work for the longest time...school wasn't even important for some reason...i dont know...something had just been wrong with me, and im still trying to shake it off...
so pray for me, i feel like i have made a mess of God's work in me.
